Lioness' Literatim

Letter for letter, the thoughts in my head.

I could kill you.

Outside of the endless sea of the mediocre faceless nobodies, there really are two kinds of motherfuckers out there. People who start shit and think they are strong, and people who train, and KNOW they are strong.

You see this shit every day. On the subway, on the street. In bars, in your classes. The loud pretenders. They talk loud, they wear loud clothing, flashy shit that’s supposed to say “Don’t fuck with me.”

They walk loudly, they stomp and strut with a mean face on. They hang out with their loud friends, listening to loud fucking music. Laughing obnoxiously. They are SO QUICK to start shit. SO QUICK to prove how fucking tough they are:

“Yeah bitch, keep on walking fucker. You don’t want any of this you piece of shit Try me, I’LL FUCK YOU UP CUNT!!”

They may even go to the gym, maybe YOUR gym. But they don’t train. They go to the gym to be loud and intimidating.

Only doing exercises that don’t compromise their carefully manicured image of toughness.

Then there are the people who train. Who earned their strength through weeks and months and years of training. Who have bled real blood on the iron. This is a completely different animal.

They are calm and cool. They walk with an ease of intention. They never look irritated or angry in public.

They wear whatever the shit they feel like wearing, or whatever’s comfortable.


Because they don’t need a flashy jacket or an angry fucking look on a subway train, or an obnoxiously loud laugh that causes everyone else to look with nervous irritation.

They don’t need a posse of other pussies to parrot everything they say and “back them up.” Because underneath all of the fake bullshit you deal with, there’s a terrifying power ready to be unleashed at any moment.

The coiled calm power of ten thousand deadlifts, 15 thousand squats and 25 thousand power cleans. It all screams one thing more impossibly loud then all the shit talk in the world…

“I could kill you.”

Source unknown.


6 December 2011 Posted by | Health + Fitness, Random findings | Leave a comment

Awesome Stuff #2

That very first moment when you realize “hey, the caffeine finally kicked in,” because we all know that when you first start drinking that *insert caffeinated drink of choice here* it feels like eight eternities before you begin feeling the initial effects.

And then, once you feel that wondrous feeling that tells you you’ll be able to keep your eyes from drooping for a few more hours, you have approximately five-ten minutes before you start feeling hyper.

However, if you watch someone that’s drinking their choice of caffeine, you know that the caffeine actually kicks in fairly quickly, and by the time they realize it’s working, they’re already nearly bouncing off the walls.

Oh, and don’t forget the inevitable crash of death that follows the short-lived hype if you don’t replenish the caffeine in your system before the eleventh hour.

2 December 2011 Posted by | Awesome Stuff | Leave a comment

Protected: The endorphins aren’t working!

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29 November 2011 Posted by | Long distance love, Surviving a deployment | Enter your password to view comments.

Dedication vs. Obsession

Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.

I showed a friend the notes I made when I was planning out my workout schedule yesterday. First she called my crazy as she shuffled through the pages. Then, when she realized how detailed the notes were, she said I was obsessed with working out.

I shrugged it off, thinking to myself that she’d understand if she ever set foot in a gym. But then I looked at the stack of notes in my hands and started thinking.

I go to the gym every day. I’m on week three of the Strong Lifts 5×5 program. I’ll be starting the 100 push up program and 200 sit up program in a couple of days. I spent my day off outlining my workout schedule so that I could get everything in without overloading on a single day.

I’ve stopped eating junk food, save for a few bites to satisfy a craving. I’ve added things into my daily diet purely for the health benefits (the fact that I like most of them is just an added bonus). Much of my free time at work is spent reading health and fitness journals and pouring through ‘Top 10 __ workouts’ lists.

So, where is the line between dedication and obsession? I love working out and I’m dedicated to bettering myself, but have I crossed the line into obsession?

28 November 2011 Posted by | Health + Fitness | 1 Comment

Awesome stuff #1

That post-workout high that lasts anywhere from thirty minutes to five hours.

You know the one I’m talking about.
– You just PRed a power lift and
– Ran a 5k under your goal time
Or hell, maybe you just finished! You don’t have to make a new personal best for it to be a good workout, though there is an extra shot of adrenaline for that!

But it doesn’t really matter what you did. Whether you’re new to working out or an experienced vet, you know what I’m talking about.

You finish your workout, wipe the rivulets of sweat from your face and neck with the borrowed gym towel and walk out the door. Your muscles may be shaking from the recent exertion, but you stand a little straighter, carry yourself a little more confidently and move with a purpose. Your blood is still pumping and you almost feel like running because walking is just too damn slow. Almost feel like running. Hell, you might give in and run. Kudos to you if you do. Either way, you’re hyped up and, quite possibly, ravenous.

If your workout is at the end of the day and you find yourself at home afterwards, those chores you never really feel like doing, finally get done because you don’t want to sit still yet. If your workout is before work or during the work day, you’re more productive because your brain is being super-powered. And, if you have a desk job or similar, you’re likely rather fidgety.

You’ll likely be asked how much coffee/soda you’ve had. Perhaps get some strange looks. Maybe even a tranquilizer.

But god it feels good and when it wears off, you’re just itching to get it back.

27 November 2011 Posted by | Awesome Stuff, Health + Fitness | Leave a comment

Just keep breathing

It’s funny how one little – not very surprising – sentence can ruin your entire day.

“Well it doesn’t look like we’re going home early after all.”

In all honesty, there’s absolutely no reason that this should have upset me. For the past couple of months he’s been telling me of the possibilities his leadership was talking about for his unit. For the past couple of months it’s been a back and forth and back and forth three way tennis match between leaving early, moving AOs and sticking it out for the remainder of the deployment. I was preparing myself for the worst. It became apparent fairly quickly that they couldn’t just stick it out. There just isn’t enough room for that much testosterone in one AO. A few weeks ago he told me they finally made a decision: they were changing AOs. I can’t say I was particularly happy about this decision, especially when I heard where they would be moving to, but it wasn’t the worst that could’ve happened so I started trying to warm up to the idea. A week ago, he told me they’d changed their minds. He’d be home in January. The order was out; it was official.

Until today, when the General decided he didn’t want to send his troops home early, so they would be overwriting the order to go home and continuing on with the relocation mission.

It shouldn’t bother me as much as it does.

Either way, I won’t see him until April at the absolute earliest. That hasn’t changed, and if it does get pushed back, by God I swear heads will roll.

But, if I was already getting used to the idea of the relocation and coming to terms with where he’d be, why does it bother me so much that that plan is back on? I could understand if revoking the order to go home early resulted in yet another relocation. But it’s not – at least as far as I’m aware. And yet, this simple fact threw a shadow over my entire day, and I don’t have an explanation.

If anything, he’s the one that should be bothered. After all, it’s his head they’re messing with. His life and frustration. But, in the brief time that we were able to talk (via facebook, since there’s no telling when we’ll be able to coordinate a phone call) he didn’t seem phased by it one bit.

Now, maybe I’m just an easily upset, emotional girlfriend that isn’t cut out for the indecisiveness of the Army lifestyle. But then again, maybe I just worry too much. Either way, he asked me to try not to think about it too much – to focus on my own deployment and try not to worry about him too much. And I told him I’d try. So, this is me trying – recognizing that I shouldn’t be as upset about this as I am, because in reality, it’s exactly what was going to happen before anyway.

16 November 2011 Posted by | In the hands of God, Life's what we make it, Long distance love, Sleepless Night Ramblings, Surviving a deployment | Leave a comment

Confessions about: flirting

I have a confession to make:

I’m a bit of a flirt.

I’m aware of this and have absolutely no problem admitting to it. I think it started in high school. Most of the guys that I hung around were older and single. They were also in ROTC with me, so we spent quite a bit of time with each other. It’s kind of inevitable in ROTC that you end up flirting with almost everyone of the opposite gender. It happens. In fact, it’s practically expected. In my group of friends, flirting was a form of friendly banter that meant you were welcome to stick around – you were part of the group. As such, I’ve always considered it to be a completely harmless and fairly acceptable form of communication with members of the male species. Even from within a relationship, a small amount of outside flirting was still accepted.

Which is why it came as something of a surprise to me when Pikachu told me how much it bothered him.

At first I didn’t understand. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I wasn’t crossing any lines. It was harmless, so long as I knew when enough was enough. I tried to explain that to him, and I think he understands that I meant no harm by it, but it still made him uncomfortable. It boiled down to him asking me to take a step back and look at it from a different angle – reverse our roles.

There’s more to that story, in the form of a rather long, in-depth and emotional email conversation, but the exact details of that are extremely personal so I’ll leave them out of this.

So, long story short, I told him I’d work on minimizing my flirting. I understand where he’s coming from now because when I took that step back and reversed our roles, I didn’t like what I saw. And so, for the past month, I’ve been doing my best to cut back on my flirting. Hence, the real reason behind today’s post.

Pikachu, I love you. And I’m sorry. I didn’t realize just how much I actually flirted until I tried to stop. I promise, those guys never meant anything to me. My passing smiles are now friendly but as flirt free as I can manage. There are no coy glances across briefings, no “harmlessly” flirtatious emails between 2-shops. Now, if I meet a guy, it’s either business or friendly. If they flirt with me, I don’t return the action and so far, they’ve all backed off fairly quickly once they’ve realized I won’t take the bait. A conversation can be friendly without flirting. Who knew? But perhaps the most important thing for you to know in regards to this situation is that even with the significant decrease in male attention, I don’t feel at all attention deprived. I can now confidently say that I wasn’t flirting because I was unhappy with you or the amount of attention I was getting from you. It was simply just what I was used to doing. But no more. I am yours and yours alone and my flirting is reserved for you.

Just thought you should know.

10 November 2011 Posted by | Confessions, Long distance love | Leave a comment

It’s time for some changes

Somehow, amidst the chaos of these past two weeks, I’ve found time to re-examine aspects of myself, my lifestyle and my goals. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m not happy with some of the things I discovered. So, as of today, 25 October 2011, I’m setting out to make some positive changes in my life.

Let’s start with breakfast. Before I deployed, it wasn’t often that I ate breakfast. Here though, I have the convenience of having it prepared for me whenever I want it, so everyday I help myself to an omelet, a generous helping of bacon (the LNs pile it on, especially for a cute girl) and two chocolate soy milk boxes. Notice the distinct lack of fruit? That will be change number one. Replace my daily helping of bacon with a grapefruit half or a banana. I love bacon too much to cut it completely from my diet, but I can certainly limit my intake. And breakfast isn’t the only meal I’ll be changing. I’m not saying that I’m going to cut ‘bad-foods’ out of my diet, but I can make healthier choices; eat a little more salad and less fried foods.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I suffer from low self-esteem and a fairly negative body image. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m fat and I’m not worried about my weight. I’m perfectly healthy and certainly not overweight, and while I’m aware that I’m at least fairly attractive, I don’t see it. I look in the mirror and see a too-big nose, too-big ears, dull hair and boring eyes. I see a crooked smile and love handles. I wouldn’t mind losing a few pounds, but it’s not my goal and it’s certainly not necessary.

But, I do need to start eating healthier and taking care of myself. So, another change that I’m making involves working out every day. Every day. Not most days. Not every day but _____. Every day. There are three days a week that the boss doesn’t hit the gym. Sundays, because those are her ‘me’ days, Tuesdays, because that’s her ‘planning’ day, and Wednesdays, because we’re all supposedly going to start going to Bingo together. But that doesn’t mean I can’t work out on my own. And Wednesday might be nothing more than push-ups and sit-ups in my room, but I refuse to skip a day.

In fact, I’m setting a few fitness goals as well, but that’s a story for a different day.

The last few days, while really taking a close look at some of the things I do, I also noticed that when I walk somewhere, I keep my head down. I’m not watching my feet, but the ground about four feet ahead of me. I’ll look up long enough to make note of someone’s rank, salute if necessary, nod a quick ‘hello’ and continue on my way. I walk around the place like I’m scared of my own shadow, and I don’t have a reason to. I’m good at my job and many of the people that I see in the halls use my products on a daily basis. I’m important and I’m confident and I’m going to start walking with my head held high. Not arrogantly so, just enough that anyone that sees me will know that I belong here.

And I’m going to write. I love writing. I always have. But lately I just haven’t had the motivation to write anything, hence the lack of blog posts in the last…however long it’s been…I’d like to continue my story with Eva, but we’ll see where the pen takes me. Not everything I write will be published anywhere – in fact, most of it may be kept private – but I will write, because it’s what I like to do.

So far, these are the changes I’ll be making in my life. It’s quite possible that I’ll find more changes to make, but for now, I’ll stick with these. I’m hoping that just these simple changes will help me be healthier and happier while I’m out here, and I have every intention of carrying them with me when I go home in the Spring.

25 October 2011 Posted by | Health + Fitness, Life's what we make it, Surviving a deployment | Leave a comment

18 ways to educate yourself every day (because nerds are sexy) (via Malavika’s Blog)

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”

Henry Ford

At the start of this year I made a decision that I want to commit to myself to a pursuit of intellect. I’m already a bit of a nerd, so this wasn’t really an alien concept for me, however I quickly realized that in order for me to make educating myself a priority in my life – I would have … I would have to make it into a daily habit. Here is a list of some suggestions for small practices you could implement into your lifestyle. I would not expect anybody to do all of these things every single day, but you can choose a few, and keep your learning varied and fun! At first it may seem overwhelming, but after a few months of this you will reach a point where suddenly you feel like have access to so much more information and knowledge than you ever had before. Simple conversations and discussions with people become so much more interesting. Your brain becomes a very cool place to hang out!

Wow, I did not just say that.

1. Watch a TED talk every day.

“Riveting talks by remarkable people, free to the world.” These are the kind of bright ideas that I would like to fill my head with.

2. Read a random article of interest from every day.

They are quick, easy, informative, and give you a glimpse of a subject that you may decide to do more reaearch on later!

3. Read for half an hour every day before bed.

This is such a monumental suggestion. The habit of reading for 30 minutes every day can really kick start your goal of “getting back into reading” and of course educating yourself as well. 30 minutes is not too hard to set aside at the end of the day. Just get yourself into bed 30 minutes earlier if you have to. If you read for 30 minutes every night you should be able to get through at least one book every two weeks. That’s 26 books a year (approximately). With this kind of reading rapport you are bound to make a sizable dent into your reading list.

4. Learn more about your job.

Focus more at work. Take the time to really understand why you do the things you do at work, instead of simply going through the motions. Even if this is a job you have been at for years, there is more to discover. Do some research on the company you work for, where did they come from? And what do they really do? There are great opportunities for growth and learning even in our boring 9-5 desk jobs.

5. Make learning something you do for “fun”.

Well, it should already be fun that you are taking the time to invest in yourself and learning more about your world – but you know how you could make it more fun? By getting other people involved (yay for them ;) ). You could watch documentaries with your partner or work on puzzles with your children ( :P :P :P ), play trivial pursuit with your family, discuss new and fresh topics with your friends.

6. Work on a puzzle every day.

This could be jigsaw puzzles, riddles, math puzzles etc. Anything that requires you to practice your mental acrobatics. You can buy simple “Train your brain” books from your local bookstore, that have a puzzle a day to make things really easy for you!

7. Read classics.

Something I try to force myself to do is to read books that are actually a little bit challenging – for the purpose of not only being “well read” but also having an opportunity to expand my vocabulary. Classics epitomize english language at it’s finest. I’m not saying they are always a joy to read, but boy do I feel proud of myself when I finish one.

8. Play for a few minutes every day.

Work on your vocabulary whilst simultaneously feeding the hungry! You may pass GO. You may collect $200. The great thing about playing this every day is that they tend to repeat words, so you really start getting used to remembering new words that you were not initially used to.

9. Learn a new word every day.

Most of the online dictionaries have a “Word a day” feature that you can subscribe to by e-mail, or simply check online. Learn a new word every day, and make it your intention to use that word 3 times in your day.

10. Watch Documentaries.

Watching documentaries has never been easier! You can watch them on TV, and even on youtube. Sometimes I just type in a subject I am interested in and then “part 1″ and see what I can find. It’s also fun to watch documentaries on things you have no prior knowledge or real interest in.

11. Follow some interesting blogs.

Find some bloggers that inspire you and fill your mind with bright ideas and thoughts, and follow them. Another option is to subscribe to a magazine that really fascinates you.

12. Take a class.

What better way to affirm to yourself that you are educating yourself – than to take an actual class? Find a topic that you wouldn’t mind learning more about, and register!

13. Learn a new language.

Are there any languages that you have been interested in learning? Well, why not start now! Take a class, get private lessons, watch videos online – whatever it is, find time in your life to immerse yourself in this new pursuit!

14. Take up a new hobby / put more effort into your current hobby.

I think everybody should have a hobby. Something that you can really throw yourself into. That you do just for fun, that makes you happy, that improves some aspect of yourself, and something you can commit to. If you can’t think of one – create one. There are plenty of hobbies out there. Pick one. Picking them is easy. Staying committed is hard. And even though hobbies are “Fun”, a degree of commitment is required if you ever plan to see some kind of result. Create a schedule in your week to really commit to your new hobby – a certain number of times a week, a  couple of hours a day – it really is up to you. Learn all about your new hobby, both the theory and the application.

15. Try new recipes.

You could buy a new cook book, subscribe to a cookery magazine, or even browse the miracle that is the internet. To make this fun, you could have themes and goals each week, like “eating healthy”, raw food, desserts, smoothies, appetizers, main courses, salads, fruits etc.

16. Practice memory games.

It’s one thing to stuff your head with all this information, its something completely different to access this information again when you really want it. No genius is considered a genius if he can’t remember what it is that he knows. By working with your memory, you can work on your ability to keep your new knowledge available for you to retrieve it.

17. Read the headlines.

My parents read the headlines every day. My mom says that I shouldn’t leave the house without having some clue of what’s going on in the world. I haven’t really implemented this much in my life yet – sometimes I just feel like the news is just so overwhelming – I don’t even know where to start (Does anyone else feel like this?!). I guess that’s why she suggested to READ THE HEADLINES.

I don’t think there can be anything wrong with knowing a little bit about what’s going on in the world.

18. Whenever you are making a trip somewhere, or doing something new – take the time to learn a little bit about it.

If you are ever stuck for new things to learn, this is a great way to give you some ideas. Use your life as an inspiration. If you are planning on going to a new city for the long weekend – learn about it. If you meet a new friend who is a wine merchant, learn all about being a wine merchant.

At first, I sometimes felt like I was stuck for new things to learn – which to me now feels totally ridiculous because is there really anything I couldn’t learn more about? But over time, after implementing many of these techniques, I find that my brain automatically gives me new topics to learn about. It is just INTERESTING!

And one day you are going to be able to talk about these things in discussions, and in your own mind you are going to be thinking “Wow.”

I remember a couple of years ago I had read a LOT of information about blue-whale attacks, their anatomy, their physiology, and how they ingest and digest their prey. A few months later, low and behold – a girl in my class randomly said “Hmm I wonder what happens if you got eaten by a blue whale…”

Ah, yes. My time had come.


Here are some other resources suggested by my readers and commenters:


I don’t know how I could forget this little goldmine. I use it all the time and I love it!


If you have any other suggestions, let me know.

It is such an honor for me to freshly pressed, for the third freaking time! The prior two times have been for my photography posts, and it was my personal mission to be FP’ed for my writing – which is something I love to do. Thank you for your support and love!

Enjoy my blog. Subscribe.


via Malavika’s Blog

17 August 2011 Posted by | Random findings | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

BCT Journal – Land Nav, Gas Chamber, Combatives Lesson 1

October 5

Day 9

Land nav, gas chamber, combatives lesson 1

Holy fuck that was awful! Not difficult, just horrible. But let me start from yesterday, ‘cause that was pretty fun. Woke up at 0500 and did an AGR run (running as a platoon based on run times from the PT assessment. I was in C group, but my goal is to get to A train by the end of the cycle) and then went to breakfast. Double checked our gear, loaded the rucksacks into the 5-ton, and got onto the buses. Motor movement to Corregidor (aka, land nav course). Safety briefing, lunch, then split into teams of 5-6 and received our points, maps, and compasses. Then we had three hours to find the points and get back to the starting point. My group was done in about twenty minutes! All of our azimuths and distances were almost spot on, and we worked really well together. So then we waited for everyone else to get done. Then we ate dinner and waited some more. Once it got dark we split into squads (10 people) and did the night course. Basically the same thing as the day course but with slightly different points, and in the dark. We were the second group done, but the first group got disqualified for cheating. I never thought I’d actually use orienteering again, but this just goes to show that you should take the time to learn whatever you can, ‘cause you never know when you might actually need that information. Packing up our tents this morning was slightly difficult because no one could feel their fingers. It’s been really cold at night. But we got everything all packed up, rucks loaded into the 5-ton, and ate breakfast, all before the sun came up. Then we marched about a half-mile to the gas chamber. By 0930 we’d had our briefing, had our masks checked and exchanged if necessary, and were lined up on the green mound. You could almost taste the anxiety in the air – though maybe that was the remnants of the last time the chamber was used…then a DS came running out yelling ‘GAS GAS GAS’ and we literally had nine seconds to get our masks out of the case and onto our face before they started herding us into the chamber. We were lined up shoulder to shoulder against the wall, and then the air started getting smoky. You could smell the gas through the mask. It smelled like pepper. Strong pepper. The air was cloudy – like looking through a thick fog. And then there was a DS walking down the line. When she got to you, you had to break the seal on your mask, say your full name, rank, and social. Then she told you to fix your mask and reseal it. In the short amount of time it takes to say that information, I could barely breathe, my eyes were burning, and my face was starting to burn. The back of my neck and my hands were already burning from the exposure. And watering eyes just made my face burn more. Four breaths to clear the mask. Then they started pulling ten people at a time to a line in front of the door. A DS took his place blocking the door and we were told to completely remove our masks. As soon as the last person’s mask was off, we were told to recite the Soldier’s Creed. Any breath we’d been holding became completely worthless at that point. We only had our masks off for about 30 seconds (or so they told us. I’m not sure I believe them) before the DS moved and let us run from the chamber, but that was definitely the longest 30 seconds of my life. We ran out flapping our arms, gasping for breath, snot and tears running down our faces. We were all gasping and choking and heaving and coughing, trying to get as far away from that damn building as we could. Poor Ski had a bit of a breakdown…he panicked while he was in the chamber and just about passed out, so a DS had to drag him out. He had to go through again though because the NBC chamber is a graduation requirement. So his nerves were all over the place and he was freaking out and told DS Hammond that he was done with this shit and that it wasn’t fair and he was quitting. Don’t know what’s going to come of that (DS Hammond is pissed) but it’ll be interesting to see how things play out. But because of this incident, I almost got the phase banner. Ski had been phase banner bearer, but obviously he got fired today. DS Hammond told me that it was now mine, but then DS Simmons gave it to this other girl before DS Hammond got a chance to let him know that she’d already picked someone out. But, she doesn’t want it, so my chances of getting it are still pretty high. I dunno. Maybe I’ll get a leadership position in white phase instead.

Oh, so after the gas chamber we caught our motor movement back to the company. Changed uniforms, returned to formation. Then we ate chow and headed over to Blunt hall for our first combatives lesson. It was pretty fun, but I’m so confused. We didn’t have a whole lot of time to actually practice the drill we learned. So hopefully we’ll get another lesson soon. I can’t remember if they told us what’s on the schedule for tomorrow. I’m still choking on that gas…or at least that’s what it feels like. It might just be the memory of it…either way, it sucks and I can only imagine the nightmares my troubled mind might come up with…but I did it, and I’m SO glad it’s over with.

13 August 2011 Posted by | BCT Journal | Leave a comment